Webster is so handsome, isn't he? He really is the world's best dog and a such good babysitter for my mom. We have follow-up appointments with two doctors tomorrow and Tuesday. I haven't had very much to say to all of my readers regarding her condition because I am usually too upset. I need a support group for caregivers in the worst way. I'm not very good at it and I hate myself for being so impatient with my lovely mother. She deserves better. Nights are the worst. We'll get through this trying time hopefully and I'll get my mom back or at least a tiny bit of her. Webster is worried too. [my photo]
28 comments:
Oh, Rosemary, don't be too hard on yourself. You are doing a very difficult job and you're giving it your all. You can do this job for your Mom better than any other human being on earth. That's why God chose you to be her daughter. She loves you for it, and so does He. Peace and blessings to you both.
Aww... I am sorry that you are going through this. I guess we all will at some time or other with our parents. I work in a nursing home. They have support groups there. Perhaps your doctor can provide you with some information. I think we become impatient because we are fearful. Your mom is fortunate to have you.
Rosemary,
Be patient with your mom, but most of all be patient with yourself. This care giving is something that is challenging and difficult when we are so used too our mom's being healthy and strong and usually looking out for our well being. I will hold good thoughts that your mom will get back some of her vigor over the next few weeks. You are a good daughter and Webster is a most excellent doggie.
xo,
Karen
Webster is a handsome fellow. You do not need to share anything. Just know you are in the hearts and thoughts of your readers. Give Webster a big hug. Bonnie
Oh Rosemary, All you can do is your best. Forgive yourself and go hug Webster and sleep when you can. You need to let it out. Webster has broad shoulders. Sara
Dear Rosemary, you DO have a support group. I just know that your readers are standing by to listen and be of assistance even if it is from afar. You must be exhausted if Anna isn't sleeping well at night . . . is there someone who might be able to spend an occasional night so that you truly can rest? I am concerned for both of you. I hope the appointments you have tomorrow and Tuesday provide some constructive advice. Please, if you can and if you are comfortable doing so, let us know how Anna is progressing.
with love,
Linda
I think most of us who have been caregivers for our parents are cheering you on. I've been praying for you to have strength to carry on. It is the hardest thing I've ever done, and guilt over my attitude during times like you're experiencing seems to go along with it. You are doing the best you can!
Webster does have a worried look on his face. So sorry, wish I were close by to come and help! Being a caregiver is really hard, will be praying that God gives you supernatural strength during this time. Bless your hearts! Love and prayers, Cathy in Idaho
Not only do you need the good advice and gentle counsel from a support group for caregivers, but
you also need a break. Your mom's illness couldn't have occurred at a worse time...when you were at your lowest ebb having dealt with days of worry before Hurricane Sandy, loss of power, and debris cleanup. Each and every hurdle, requires that you handle it alone.
I remember when my dearest friend lay dying. It was as though a guardian angel arrived late one night...a lovely home health care nurse with Hospice. With just a few simple reassuring words, it was as though she lifted a terrible burden. We could finally sleep. I'm no expert, Rosemary, but I'm thinking a good night's sleep is probably what you need the most.
A lovely cup of hot cocoa, a warm bath, clean flannel sheets and warm blankets...and someone else to listen at your mom's beside all night while you rest.
Wish I could be that person.
Thinking of you.... <3 And I'm sure you are doing a fantastic job, your mother must know how very much you love her.
Webster is ever the most handsome dog! :)
Rosemary,
Ask your doctor about hospice. You would be very surprised. The requirements foe hospice are NOT that she is dying. Hospice can do so many things for your mother.
And for you. Please look into it. My friend has hospice for her mother who is in an assisted living facility. She is weak, but not dying. It is a huge service for my friend as well as her mother. Get the help. You should not be beating yourself uplike this. Ask the doctor or call a hospice and talk to them. Explain your situation. I really think they can help you. A friend of mine works for a hospice in Ohio. She has a client who has been in hospice forSEVEN years. It is there. Use it.
Xoxo
Janie Horn
Webster is such a good boy, both for your dear mother and for you too. He'll help you both. We are stronger than we think, yet we can't always be perfect. Wishing you all the best.
Being a caregiver is the hardest job we ever have to do. It's difficult to see a parent struggle with health issues. All you can do is face each day as it comes and try to do as much to make them comfortable as possible. And for goodness sake, get help if at all possible--even if it's someone to come in for a few hours a day.
Later on, you will be glad you had the time with them that you did. I cared for my mom for a year and a half before she passed away. There were times I would sit in my car and just cry because I was so frustrated and tired. But, I 'm glad I was there for her.
Take care of YOURSELF as well.
I took care of my Mom for 4 months, 3 of which she had been misdiagnosed, and the last month with a cancer. I'm not an imbiber, but was so frustrated trying to ease her pain. So like a big goober I had a tatoo put on my shoulder. It was a difficult time and slightly chaotic. Tatoo, really, stressed YES!! Had some lovely care givers come as well and that really was a blessing. Please take care and no TATOOS!
Being the caregiver is a VERY difficult job. Take a deep breath and stay in the moment the best that you can. Prayers are coming your way.
I follow your blog because I adore your photographic eye and Webster! =)
I am sorry your mom isn't well. I can fully understand. But try to be kind to yourself, being a caregiver is not easy. I do hope she continues to get better.
Thank you for all the wonderful things you bring to us each day.
Lots of love and support by your blog readers, very touching for us all. My Dad had his days and nights mixed up, which made a single care giver (me) exhausted. Hospice was supportive, assisted with all aspects such as bathing, and medication, morale support for me. I will pray for you and those you love. You getting rest, is primary, so you can carry on.
Dear Rosemary...I am not happy with how impatient I was with my widowed mother over Thanksgiving and she's not even sick! We don't always behave as we should. All we can do is try better next time. My elderly neighbor fell right after the hurricaine and is in the hospital - I am taking care of her cats. I'm grateful that I can help out in some way but saddened by her sudden absence. Seeing people age, ourselves included, is tough! Sending good thoughts your way.
Having been there, an only child trying to care for a parent without help, whether at home or elsewhere, definitely leads to a lot of anxiety and guilt at being unable to give Mom the care she needs and deserves. It will eventually wear you down, both mentally AND physically. My Mom, who lived to be 97, spent the last four years of her life in a wonderful personal care home, where she was loved and waited on 24 hours a day, and even received hospice care there. As your other readers have suggested, hospice can be a wonderful help to you and your Mom, particularly if you try to care for her at home. 24 hours a day is just too much without help in shouldering the load. Your readers will be here to listen when things are a bit tough for you. All my best, JudyMac
Listen to Janie Horn. I was going to say the same thing.
Rosemary, sure wish I could help you. It can be very heavy and trying when caring for those you love. I hope you both come through all right. And dear Webster, he really is handsome.
Dear Rosemary, I've been following your blog for about a year now (and I just love it), and I can't believe how much we have in common. I feel like I have known you for a long time! I understand what you are going through with your mom (mine is 95), and I want to suggest a truly wonderful place for some support. It's a website started by Jean Fogelberg, the widow of the late singer Dan Fogelberg. Jean has made it her mission to provide online resources for caregivers. Please give it a look: www.dontloseheart.org . You and your mom will be in my prayers... Webster and Tabitha too! Best, Noel
My heartfelt thoughts and very best wishes go out to you Rosemary.
For so many, this has been a huge time astrologically - of upheaval and change, personally and universally.
It culminates with the full moon eclipse in the next two days.
I'm wishing a gentle recovery back to good health for your dear mother and a welcome return to a contented routine for you and the dear, sweet souls who live in your cottage xx
As a health care provider I assure you that what you feel is 100% normal.
Please trust your total beloved strangers when we tell you Hospice is the most loving place one can be. Americans don't realize Hospice is not where you go to die, that you can go into and come out of as needed. But Hospice has angels that work there, nurses that are upper tier, as well as cooks and housekeeping and secretaries. It is a place of pain free relief, for the whole family. It makes my heart break that as as cancer care provider since 1987 that most of us still don't understand what Hospice really does. It's a family and patient care provider at its best.
My heart and prayers goes out to you and your Mom. Love that look on websters face, animals know something is going on. Take heart you have lots of followers keeping you in prayers.
Regina
oh rosemary.
i read your post and then every comment. we all love you so much.
nothing more really to say.
you went through a hurricane of the century and then no power and then the emergency of your mom's illness. you are simply worn out dear heart. exhausted on many levels. i'm like some of the others if you could find just a few hours of respite through care hospice. hugging precious webster too is good therapy. he needs it too.
love to you,
tammy j
What wonderful comments from your readers!!!! You are a good daughter and friend, so don't be hard on yourself, and I agree w/ some of the readers, contact Hospice for help or visiting nurse assoc. I am here if I can help!
xo
Just remember Rosemary how lucky you are to have your sweet mother with you under the same roof. She feels your love and touch. I had to fly back and forth to England when my parents most needed me but my mother did have wonderful carers who would come twice daily provided by the National Health Service. My sweet dearly beloved father had to be put into a nursing home for his last two years. A decision that haunts me to this day.
Strength and best of wishes to you,
The Absent Daughter...
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